Did you know? In MRI's, rejection shows up in the brain in the same way that physical pain does. Here's a quote from the study: "When scientists placed people in functional MRI machines & asked them to recall a recent rejection, they discovered something amazing. The same areas of our brain become activated when we experience rejection as when we experience physical pain."
The question now is: Can we shift perspectives on what we perceive as emotionally painful? As in, making peace with rejection being a part of life & why it's important for us to be able to say no & hear no, for not only setting boundaries for ourselves but respecting the boundaries of others. As we become more comfortable in not taking rejection personally, we can become more comfortable with hearing no, we become more comfortable with saying no, & setting the necessary boundaries. We stop holding ourselves back, procrastinating, & worrying about if we're ready enough, good enough or adequate enough. We learn how to forgive ourselves for 'wasted' time & trust ourselves again to follow our intuition instead of our fears. Because our fears & intuition both want to keep us safe, the two can be easily confused, if we're not aware of the difference between anti-failure driven behavior vs pro-goal driven behavior. While we know that pain is a universal feeling, meaning everyone has felt pain- not everyone feels pain for the same reasons or in the same ways. Some people have higher pain tolerances, while others tolerate it less, & depending upon the circumstances, some might not feel capable of feeling connected at all. Because it's felt differently by everyone, it's often of no use to compare our experience to the experiences of others & yet, there will be those that attempt to measure your pain tolerance allowance based on how it felt for them. This false sense of measuring is where the disconnect begins. It insinuates that because I didn't feel this badly, then you shouldn't either & you should "get over it" or "man up" because pain is weakness. In the interim, instead of tears, there is often an outward display of anger because it's more acceptable to shows signs of aggression instead of submission, with 1 in 10 men suffering from Intermittent Explosive Disorder (aka rage). In some cases, our pain makes others feel uncomfortable because they can't help us with it & it makes them feel helpless, hopeless, or powerless. In other cases, people (often parents) are afraid when they realize they have a child that is either more sensitive to pain or expressive in their pain/emotions, & they're afraid of the repercussions involved with bullying or being ostracized & made fun of because you're "different." Because of societal norms, different isn't necessarily praised as a good thing if you're not fitting with everybody else. I'm not trying to be an apologist to parents that "roughed up" their children to toughen them up for "the real world" & make them less sensitive, I'm simply stating that most of them truly believe that they were doing their best in trying to make their lives easier for them by not necessarily trying to make them fit in, but trying to make sure they understood the repercussions (from others) if they stood out. The concern with that is, that pain then becomes internalized. According to a research study, the suicide rate for men is at its highest rate since the end of the second world war. Men are also less likely to report Intimate Partner Violence, seek therapy, or seek help about sexual abuse. "Manning up" & teaching boys not to cry, not to speak about their feelings, or not to express their emotions can have long term effects on their mental health. As parents, (or when working with kids) we can make the decision to create a safe space in which children don't need to feel like they have to suck it up or man up, but simply show up as themselves without pain-shaming, & giving them the freedom to be themselves & the gift of your full acceptance.
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Stress is a normal & natural response of the body. Prolonged or chronic stress, however, could have overall negative effects by actually changing the brain. While it’s true that we all are equipped with different tolerance levels for stress based on our individual perception of it & our capabilities & coping mechanisms to handle it, we might not be fully aware of how it might be effecting us behind the scenes, as a result.
Which brings me to this quote: “Now if we think about it, there is some intelligence that is giving us life that is keeping our heart beating. It’s the same intelligence that is digesting our food, breaking down food into nutrients & taking that food & organizing it to repair the body. All of that is taking place without us being conscious of it.” Think of the other many things going on behind the scenes in our bodies that we’re not consciously aware of, such as the production of cortisol. We know that our body can produce it simply by thinking unpleasant or negative thoughts- whether it’s sudden or repetitious thinking. What we do know, is that the mind likes what’s familiar. We’ve become accustomed to comfort zones because we’d rather experience what’s familiar, even if/when it’s unpleasant. Could that also mean that we’ve become accustomed to, or perhaps addicted to familiar feelings like stress too? According to Dr Joe Dispenza, yes:
It’s become easier to find healthy outlets for our accumulated stress & negativity but people are busier now more than ever, leaving less time to tend to the maintenance of the mind/body/soul system This is why it’s important to make self-care a priority, even if we start with simply listening to this scientifically created & proven stress reducing song. As we build momentum in creating a healthy routine for reducing stress, it's important to acknowledge the many scientifically proven benefits of meditation, & how (& why) you should start incorporating them today. |