Did you know? In MRI's, rejection shows up in the brain in the same way that physical pain does. Here's a quote from the study: "When scientists placed people in functional MRI machines & asked them to recall a recent rejection, they discovered something amazing. The same areas of our brain become activated when we experience rejection as when we experience physical pain."
The question now is: Can we shift perspectives on what we perceive as emotionally painful? As in, making peace with rejection being a part of life & why it's important for us to be able to say no & hear no, for not only setting boundaries for ourselves but respecting the boundaries of others. As we become more comfortable in not taking rejection personally, we can become more comfortable with hearing no, we become more comfortable with saying no, & setting the necessary boundaries. We stop holding ourselves back, procrastinating, & worrying about if we're ready enough, good enough or adequate enough. We learn how to forgive ourselves for 'wasted' time & trust ourselves again to follow our intuition instead of our fears. Because our fears & intuition both want to keep us safe, the two can be easily confused, if we're not aware of the difference between anti-failure driven behavior vs pro-goal driven behavior. While we know that pain is a universal feeling, meaning everyone has felt pain- not everyone feels pain for the same reasons or in the same ways. Some people have higher pain tolerances, while others tolerate it less, & depending upon the circumstances, some might not feel capable of feeling connected at all. Because it's felt differently by everyone, it's often of no use to compare our experience to the experiences of others & yet, there will be those that attempt to measure your pain tolerance allowance based on how it felt for them. This false sense of measuring is where the disconnect begins. It insinuates that because I didn't feel this badly, then you shouldn't either & you should "get over it" or "man up" because pain is weakness. In the interim, instead of tears, there is often an outward display of anger because it's more acceptable to shows signs of aggression instead of submission, with 1 in 10 men suffering from Intermittent Explosive Disorder (aka rage). In some cases, our pain makes others feel uncomfortable because they can't help us with it & it makes them feel helpless, hopeless, or powerless. In other cases, people (often parents) are afraid when they realize they have a child that is either more sensitive to pain or expressive in their pain/emotions, & they're afraid of the repercussions involved with bullying or being ostracized & made fun of because you're "different." Because of societal norms, different isn't necessarily praised as a good thing if you're not fitting with everybody else. I'm not trying to be an apologist to parents that "roughed up" their children to toughen them up for "the real world" & make them less sensitive, I'm simply stating that most of them truly believe that they were doing their best in trying to make their lives easier for them by not necessarily trying to make them fit in, but trying to make sure they understood the repercussions (from others) if they stood out. The concern with that is, that pain then becomes internalized. According to a research study, the suicide rate for men is at its highest rate since the end of the second world war. Men are also less likely to report Intimate Partner Violence, seek therapy, or seek help about sexual abuse. "Manning up" & teaching boys not to cry, not to speak about their feelings, or not to express their emotions can have long term effects on their mental health. As parents, (or when working with kids) we can make the decision to create a safe space in which children don't need to feel like they have to suck it up or man up, but simply show up as themselves without pain-shaming, & giving them the freedom to be themselves & the gift of your full acceptance.
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People talk a lot about how visibility & representation in the media is really important so that we can actively see ourselves being portrayed on film. & I spent a long time waiting for that moment. Until finally, a movie came out called The Sixth Sense. By the time the movie ended, I was in tears. I was able to identify with the child that saw spirits & also with the therapist trying to help him, as well as the mother that felt so confused by his ability, & also in her powerlessness of feeling unable to help him. This was THE movie I was waiting for. It’s true that it wasn’t some fairytale princess that gets captured & rescued by her prince, but it was the most realistic portrayal of representation I had ever seen or felt from a movie up until that point.
Even though this movie wasn’t based on true events, if you ask most adults that had these abilities as children, this film portrayed some pretty accurate experiences. Especially when the child asks the therapist, “How can you help me, if you don’t believe me?” It’s like trying to explain something that only you can feel & because it's uncommon, rare or unheard of, your experiences might get easily dismissed because there’s no valid or substantial proof. This is why the work of Dr Brian Weiss is so profound. He was your average psychiatrist, performing a form of hypnotherapy on a patient, that morphed into a past life regression of some sort & it shifted his entire career into becoming Past Life Therapy. & even though the spotlight was on Kevin Bacon in The Stir Of Echoes, his son is most definitely in tune & says to his father, “You’re awake now daddy, you ok? Don’t be afraid of it, daddy.” I was hoping they would’ve shared more from the son’s perspective although it was equally as important to show that adults, too, can have a shift in consciousness at any age. & even as adults, there’s not necessarily a readily available outreach for assistance- as depicted in the film, where he’s comforted by his much younger, yet much more experienced child. On the other hand, here’s where it can get complicated. There’s this gray area that a lot of people don’t want to touch. & because of this, when a documentary-series called Psychic Kids came out, it was good that they decided to get that covered. They had a Psychic Medium & a Clinical Psychologist doing intake & working with the kids the entire time. This show was a miracle for those kids to finally be able to see, identify & connect with other kids experiencing the same or similar things. There’s nothing like a long night of disturbed sleep from trying to process what just happened on your way to the bathroom in the middle of the night, then waking up for school the next day, sitting through classes, taking tests, doing extra curricular activities & homework while trying to maintain this “normal” life & then doing it all again- night after night. Especially when you realize that the energy you encounter might feel intense, but doesn’t necessarily make it harmful. Sometimes, feelings like desperation can come across as intrusive because they require immediate attention. It wasn’t until I got older that I could actually appreciate the movie Ghost. When I had people showing up in ways that I could better understand, with a message for someone else, I felt Oda Mae’s pain :) but also Sam’s pain- who felt so stuck, confused & afraid-- as he mirrored the pain of his wife. I do believe we are moving more towards a space that is much more willing to investigate between the extremes that say either you are a witch or you have a mental illness if you have experiences with the deceased. & in the past, because those were often the options, & because we were afraid of both the experiences & the people having the experiences, then we push ourselves & others further back into the closet. **This is, not at all, suggesting to ignore any signs or symptoms of any mental illness & treatment from a medical professional. This is to state that there is now scientific proof of supernatural activity & its influence & effect on people. Other resources: Advice to Parents of Children who are Spontaneously Recalling Past Life Memories https://med.virginia.edu/perceptual-studies/resources/advice-to-parents-of-children-who-are-spontaneously-recalling-past-life-memories/ Birthmarks and Birth Defects Corresponding to Wounds on Deceased Person https://med.virginia.edu/perceptual-studies/wp-content/uploads/sites/360/2016/12/STE39stevenson-1.pdf About 10 years ago, I attended a religious ceremony where a young boy had his head shaved. The ritual was done for removing any past life impurities. For religions that believe in reincarnation, such things are put into place & practiced as second nature. But in Western Culture, most people do not believe (let alone practice) anything to do with reincarnation or past lives. Therefore, when people claim to recall past life memories such as flash-backs or vivid dreams, there is no help for them readily available to process their experiences.
Up until recently, that is. Dr Jim Tucker is a Child Psychiatrist that studies cases of children who claim they remember (& are affected by) their past lives. He follows the work of Dr Ian Stevenson, who made the connection between children's birthmarks linking to their wounds from their previous lives as well. The research & the work is out there, as is the evidence, but this is not a widely accepted topic in our society, so it's ignored, mocked, or explained-away. We are not ready, prepared, or equipped to have such conversations in a traditional therapy environment. We just recently (finally) acknowledged biological trauma, with some sources still trying to debunk it. We are nowhere near ready to tell people their past life memories (or current experiences) are valid. For example, in the movie The Sixth Sense, Cole asks the Psychologist that’s trying to help him process his experience of seeing spirits, “How can you help me if you don’t believe me?” & that is the question most people face when dealing with experiences that hit up against the wall of unmeasurable data. In relation to movies, it's also not portrayed very much, if at all. If there is a documentary or interview, there is almost always horror movie music being played in the background. If it's a film, it's most often portrayed as a romantic comedy involving soulmates. You can also find many horror movies & psychological thrillers that show traumatized spirits, but not very many on reincarnation- or at least not in such a way that shows how & why people are being affected by it or how they are handling it. For example, the ongoing work of Dr Brian Weiss. He talks a lot about how the medical community began to distance themselves from him & his work when he went from traditional psychiatry work into past life regression work. Stumbling upon it 'by accident' during a routine hypnotherapy session, he found himself in the midst of a regression session that was from a different time- yet traceable to source. His work gained popularity due to the publishing of his book by Hay House & his appearance on Oprah. While many people in Western Culture remain skeptical on topics such as life after death & rebirth, or quickly attribute such experiences& memories as pseudoscience, it's important we acknowledge the people that do have these experience- be it personal or professional, & start creating a safe space for those of us, especially, that have had both. |